Figuring Out Love: Past the Point of Safe Return
There was a time when I wondered disoriented through the world, trying to find answers to questions I was too young to understand. I came across people whose advice motivated me, not through its nature, but through mine, my nature to challenge any statement that defied my logic.
And what about love? What other topic gave birth to more questions than love, love which is itself the biggest question of all… This is the only lack of logic we accept, replacing rationality with trust, ambition with lust and reasoning with passion.
We start out guarded and I’m no different. We rarely welcome love anymore, and those of us who do seem late to find it. We fiercely guard our iron hearts, ironically, when there’s nothing that can break them. We stand tall and confident, shoulders back, eyes focused, direction firmly set. Somehow, we never see it coming and all our gates are useless. The cunning predator, lurking in the shadow prances without warning striping us of our defenses. Sometimes, it’s so graceful that we don’t even realize we’ve been bitten until the first signs of infection appear: lack of logic.
Then, hearts bare, hands trembling, we find ourselves not just defenseless but vulnerable to a weakness we never knew we had. We fight it for a while, but we soon give in, we lose all motivation for self protection.
And if we’re lucky, the spell of love’s so great that we ignore the irrationality of it. Alone, we find we don’t add up to what we used to… the numbers are the same, but we’re no longer happy without the poetry of it. But then, a handful of us, the truly lucky ones, we mix our lives together. Some add up to nothing, but for others something amazing happens. Together, we add up to more than the sum of the parts. This is how we can live without logic for the sake of love… It doesn’t just change us to the point we can’t recognize our own thinking, it also gives a greater luster to our colors, it makes something out of nothing, it turn roughness into tenderness and vacant glances into seductive smiles.
Through all of it, if we can find the logic to live in insanity, we surrender to feeling and give ourselves to one another. We find simple solutions to complicated problems: love strips us of our safety nets but we protect each other, love takes away our feeling of content, but we better each other, love leaves us lacking yet we complete each other. It steals our echo, but we talk to together, it makes us numb, but we breathe emotion into each other. We choose love because we find ways to live with it, and here lays the problem….
To survive with it, we need each other. We need to depend on one another and trust like we’ve never trusted before. Love leaves us defenseless, holds us in check, gives us no options our hearts can bear than to save each other in the hopes that we’ll be saved in return.
Such a cruel killer love is… What other predator attacks you so fiercely, leaving you to depend on another one like you. We live in a world where we’re not safe to trust, where we fight for all we have and love throws us into this alternate reality where survival is based on trust. We’re doomed to change our natures, forced to live in two worlds and adapt to both of them, because both are just as dangerous.
No wonder we avoid love… No wonder we fear it, we dread it, we almost hate it, yet we can never regret it. It’s almost impossible to live with, it’s always lethal, it always kills a part of you turning you into another. It taunts you and tortures you, spins crazily around you, engulfs you, spits you out and hunts you perpetually. And yet it’s a sweet torture that you surrender to. You somehow surrender and fight it at the same time. It’s a drug you can’t live without.
Once you get a taste you’re either hooked or dissolute with feeling, destruct to remember its bitter kiss always. You’ll always know there’s nothing that compares to it, but you can’t have a taste of it without getting hooked again.
We’d kill love if we could. We’d give it up in a heartbeat for what it does to us. But we can’t.. We can’t because it made us care, it made us love… Out of love for each other we can’t pass out on love… See the irony of it? We willingly hurt ourselves and each other to make each other happier. As always, no logic…
Hardest thing I’ve ever had to do is to trust another with my soul. It’s also the stupidest, most irresponsible thing I can ever do. Lovers have no sense of preservation… But I still have a long way to go and it’s already the most amazing, beautiful thing I’ve ever done. Logic screams ‘no’, but if feels compellingly right! I’ve never felt a stronger desire, motivation, urge or need for something. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a thirst for love, but for the object of my love.
So baby, it’s us against this crazy killer, and we need to keep each other safe. We’ll hurt ourselves along the way, but we’ll have one heck of a ride! I’ll save you baby, and I trust you’ll save me. Together, we’ll triumph over this awfully delightful addiction called love.
So keep your advice, keep your wisdom and you’re smart logical answers! The explanation of love is not needing an explanation. For once, there is no answer. If you can’t fight it, just surrender and trust!