I have never had such an excruciating run! Ever! Why? Because it was garbage day!

Just look at them in all their splendor!

It’s 10 o’clock and it’s already too hot to function, but I’m going for a run anyway. So I put on something light and leave the house. This was my first mistake! At 35 ?C a pair of really short sports pants and a breezy t-shirt was the obvious choice…

As I hurry towards the park a horrible smell stops me in my way. It was so appalling that the moment of sensing it was like running into a brick wall. I look around confused trying to figure out where the stench comes from and then it hits me… From everywhere! It was trash day! Every house had a huge garbage can in front of it reeking of rotten eggs… One thing is certain… this heat can amplify any smell. And this was no rose perfume! I had not eaten yet, as I don’t like to run on a full stomach. So by the time I catch up with the garbage truck my stomach is yelling at me and threatening me to hit me with what I had eaten the night before.

And then it happens! One of them notices my presence and signals to the others. This is when I started to regret the outfit choice! Like a pack of dumb hyenas they freeze and they fix they gaze upon their pray. One of them ventures a coy smile, revealing a yellow gapped denture. Next thing I know, the pack springs into action and starts attacking me cheesy pick up lines, proving that their language skills can’t even cover correctly a short sentence. Who am I talking about? The handsome dignified gentleman riding the garbage truck, of course!

As I hurry past the truck their calls get more and more desperate. Must be mating season for them ‘coz they sure seem to be in heat. As I disappear from sight, I can see them slowly unfreezing and resuming their work, hoisting the cans they had forgotten suspended from the truck. I make my way towards the park, but despite getting away from them, the smell of garbage is impossible to evade.

Needless to say, I did not enjoy my run that much and in no time I was ready to go back home. Oh gosh…this means going past those animals again… But you know I’m brave so I give myself a short pep talk and soon I’m on my way.

This time, I spot them long before they can see me. I slowly move in, I cross the street strategically on the side with more cars hoping the go unnoticed longer. I slowly close in on them, peeking from behind cars and vegetation.  Then suddenly, when I’m about to pass them, out of nowhere something cold and kinda wet gets stuck to my back. I start moving around and making a lot of noise. The thing was a plastic bag blew by the wind. It probably came from the garbage truck, which would explain it being wet and smelly. I started flapping my arms in the air trying to get the thing off of me, but it would just rise in the air for a moment, then get stuck to my arm or some other body part. You can imagine that the garbage guys had noticed me by now and they were laughing their asses off and howling their mating calls (because, again, garbage dealers or so damn attractive that no woman can resist them! That’s why we as ask men to take out the trash: we can’t risk running into those irresistible animals…).

But I pick myself off and although I’m spinning and jumping like a crazy person trying to get that plastic thing off me, at least I’m heading in the right direction: towards home – away from them! I carry the bag with me for another block, having it stuck to me for a moment and in the air the next. What’s frightening is that I starting to get used to the smell…

I got home wet from the heat, still red with anger, with my hair messed up and dirt smeared on my skin from that disgusting bag. But at least I came home with a funny story that makes my blood boil… Well, I guess I’m still looking for that silver lining…

What does a girl have to do to get some respect from these monkeys?